I Was MOST Happy When ......

   July 13, 2026  | Monday Night  | 10:25 PM

                  I Was MOST Happy When

It's difficult to answer this question, or, respond to this statement because there are so many aspects of my life so far to consider. Most importantly, losing my beautiful mother on October 5th, 2024. So, is it BLM or ALM? Before Losing Mom, or, After Losing Mom?

In general, beginning in 3rd grade, I was most happy playing softball for the city of Auburn. Or, was it Auburn Parks & Recreation? I played on a team with other girls from my elementary school. I played from 3rd grade to 6th grade & it was some of the best times for me. I was one of the best players on my team & it was my small piece of Heaven on Earth. I didn't know that you could love a sport that much until I began playing softball in 3rd grade. We practiced at Dick Scobee Elementary School & that was about a 10 - 15 minute walk for me so I'd walk to & from practice by myself. When we had games, one of my teammates would invite me to ride with them! My second eldest sister & her boyfriend showed up at my games a few times & I remember being in the outfield and hearing them call my name! I remember them waving at me, smiling! They were cheering me on! 🤩🥰🤗 I still remember the surprise & joy that I felt in my heart & soul seeing them on the bleachers sitting behind our dugout. "Woo! Hoo! That's my baby sister!" 🥲🥰🤩 ⚾️ 🧢 ⚾️🧢 They were the only two people who ever made it to some of my games! 

Another moment in time when I was really happy was when a youth worker employee from the youth home where I once lived went to tribal court (here on The Rez) to request that I be allowed to live at that youth home in N. Seattle because my mom kept kicking me out of the house. At that moment in time, we didn't get along at all. The Rez was extremely toxic for me, too. And, once my housing was situated, there was finally room to relax & breathe.

July 13, 2026 

11:48 PM 

I'm extremely tired & will finish this entry at another time. YAWN 🥱 💤 😴 💤 😴 

7/15/26

Wednesday Morning 

10:02 AM

I am also extremely happy when I am creating art, collages, decoupage & painting on canvas. I love to paint rocks, too! When I am painting, I get lost in thought & over time, something strange, beautiful & creative appears before me.

Sometimes, if I am feeling heartbroken or depressed, when I create art, it's like taking those feelings & giving them shape & life outside of me so they no longer just exist inside of me. I don't know if that makes sense to you. But, I love creating art. 

I love to write poetry, too. Anytime that I write, it makes me happy. Poetry is one of the greatest loves of my life. 

Other times when I am blissfully happy is when I am on or near the water. A river, lake. The ocean or waterfalls. I love being around the water. It brings so much healing energy to my heart, mind, body & soul. I learned how to swim at a really young age. I was never afraid of the water. 

When I was around 4 years old, my family would always walk to The Green River that was about a 15 minute walk from our home. We'd walk there if not every single day in the summertime, then, we'd go swimming there at least 2-3 times a week. We'd go to the same beach. It was the second beach from the bridge. The first beach was always full. Also, other people from our neighborhood would join us, sometimes. 

Every single time when we got to the river, I'd set up my space. I'd lay out my towels or towel & blanket. I'd put my large water bottle from my lunch box underneath my towel. And, I'd always stay in the shallow areas of the river. I was never alone. My family was always close by. But, one day, when most of my siblings were across the river on the big rocks, I walked out into the river until it was getting to my eyes. I jumped up & began swimming across the river, too. There was a slow current. It didn't bother me. I swam & swam & made it to the big rocks, too. My siblings were afraid for me. They were upset. But, also, they realized that I was actually a good swimmer. When I climbed up onto the big rocks, my sister Yiyah made sure to swim right next to me back to the other side. She made me promise to stay in the shallow areas for the rest of the day. I agreed. But, I knew that I was going to be OK. It was an all-knowing deep inside of me that I was going to make it across the river safely. 🏊‍♀️ 👙 🏊‍♀️ 👙